Broken Wings Still Fly: The Monica Blake Story
Monsters look like lots of things. For some, we know exactly what we envision monsters to be, and for others you simply don’t know what you don’t know. When I went through the police academy, I was taught all about monsters and how to survive. We trained for our worst day (hoping it would never come) and prepared for the wildly unpredictable. I vividly recall our tactics instructors saying, “If you knew the fight of your life were going to be in a month, what would you do differently today? Start now! And when that day comes, you’ll know you did everything to prepare for it!” I was a veteran officer, confident in my skill set, and knew exactly what I would do if anyone ever attacked me… Until it happened, and then I discovered I knew nothing at all.
Police Academy Cadet, 2005
On May 2, 2016 I was strangled nearly to death and subsequently raped by a fellow officer and previous intimate partner. I had answered hundreds of domestic violence calls as an officer, and had walked many victims through the process of obtaining orders of protection and filing criminal charges. I’d even held the hands of victims in court. But I never believed I would be the one needing the very assistance I provided. Whether my disbelief was ignorance or arrogance, my life was forever changed as my monster’s hands tightened around my throat and I slipped into unconsciousness, not knowing if I would ever again get to hug or hold my children who were sleeping in the next room.
When I regained consciousness, I knew I should have called the police… but I didn’t. After the strangulation, I was raped. I wanted to call for help. But who was there to call? It is estimated that approximately 48% of domestic violence survivors also do not report and about 63% of sexual assaults in the United States are not reported. I knew all the proper steps to take, but I also knew that victims are too often the ones put on trial, even though they’ve done nothing wrong.
I wish I could say that I found the strength to call the police and fight for myself… but that didn’t happen (yet). Eventually, the crimes were reported by someone anonymously, and every nightmare I ever dreamed was suddenly reality. There was unwanted media attention, retaliation at work, and ostracization from a career I’d grown to love.
The days that followed my attack were among the darkest I had ever experienced in my life. I was paralyzed with fear that lasted longer than I would ever want to admit, and that fear robbed me of the world I loved and confined me mostly to home. Thankfully, I had a strong foundation and knew that where there is darkness, often light will follow.
The court process was grueling and my ability to be an effective officer was questioned by my chain of command and by the attacker’s attorney. His counsel asked how I could protect citizens if I could not protect myself. For a moment, I almost believed them… And then (with the help of those who loved me most) I realized that I was more than just a victim. I was a survivor. From that moment, I began to fight and surrounded myself with people who empowered me to find my voice and advocate for myself. I joined a community of international survivors and leaned heavily on the help and guidance of my beloved sister, who had survived her own nightmare years before. I never got the day I deserved in court and did not get to address my monster. He was offered and accepted a felony plea agreement for aggravated assault, and received a sentence of three years on probation. The court case was over, but my fight wasn’t. I filed a federal lawsuit and fought the police department.. And won. Policies were changed, and eventually other female police survivors came forward.
“The most important fight was for myself– to get my life back and reclaim everything that had been taken from me.”
Police Officer + Domestic Violence Survivor, 2018
I had years of trauma therapy and developed a love for helping survivors of crime to find their voice. While my survival story is, in fact, mine… I also know that I had amazing people who helped to make me the woman I am today. I’ve been honored to speak stateside and internationally on podcasts and to colleges/universities, and empowerment forums. But that is not enough. Together, my amazing sister and I are introducing the No Voiceless Survivor Act, so that survivors have an opportunity to share the impact of the crimes they have endured. Every survivor deserves the opportunity to have their voice heard. And here at Sisterhood of Survival, Inc., we strive to help make this your constitutional right!
We are called survivors because not everyone makes it out alive. Survivorship comes in many forms, and only you know what is best for you. If you decide that you want or need help, then help is available: call 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. You are not alone. You are worthy of survival. Your life matters. And when you are ready, you, too, will find your voice and bloom from the wounds where you once bled.